As you can probably tell, I don't like to be the type of blogger who posts just to post. I want my entries to be as heartfelt, honest and useful as possible. The following is dedicated to all of us out there who have day jobs that often delay our art projects. Read on; I hope you find encouragement today.
I've been on hiatus for the past month. This has been my first real taste of a vacation in about 8 years, so I have been taking care of the parts of my life that I have neglected. In addition to full-time work, I also worked overtime in order to pay for the short, so when I look back, I realize I was pushing myself to the limit for years. I even had a hard time pin-pointing a night where I achieved 8 hours of sleep.
No vacations.
No shopping.
No relationship.
No fun, really.
Life became painful. I used to think that in order for you to be an artist you had subsist on suffering--how naive! Most of my friends and I agree that if you don't take care of yourself, you end up useless. We're right.
Sure, when we work in production we routinely pull our 16-hour days. We run on pure adrenaline. We eat garbage food, because nothing tastes better than a Coke and french fries when you're under stress. We sleep less than we should. Sometimes our relationships crumble a bit. But we don't do this for two years straight, do we? There's usually a light at the end of the work tunnel. I find that those who don't find the balance tend to burn out of the business. I can certainly understand, which is why I have chosen to take some time to regroup rather than be miserable, running on an emotional hamster wheel.
Many of us out there have to balance a day job with our films, which often means we don't progress as fast as we'd like. One day I won't be in need of a "day job" and will lead a different life as a result, but for now I'm thankful to be able to pay my bills, keep myself out of debt, put food on the table, have a warm bed to sleep in, be insured, etc. I will be honest:
I'm not always cheerful about having to wake up for work. I wish someone else would pay for my films. And I very much look forward to the day where a day job isn't needed anymore.
Oh, I can grumble about classism or nepotism or plain ol' luck till the cows come home, but in the end I find that the "if only" attitude will only lead you feeling more miserable. Let's face it: ask ten filmmakers how they got started and they'll tell you ten different stories. This should cheer you up: we have the freedom to discover our own path, and if you love what you're doing, and working hard, I can't see not being able to realize your dream. It's hard to have faith in that sometimes, believe me, I know...just trust your gut.
I myself often forget that there is more to be thankful for. And then I feel ashamed of myself, thinking of the millions of uninsured, unemployed people in the US right now. I feel ashamed that I cared about losing a competition recently, when just the week before my lab results came back confirming the growth on my breastplate isn't cancer, or anything to be worried about. Now which situation do you think is more life-impacting? See my point? Obviously I can go on and on, but I'll stop here.
Or not.
Because I am a workaholic by nature, I feel funny not contributing to the online world here. Since my film is currently in sound-post-land, I haven't had much to report, and I feel disconnected. I'm working towards the film's web site, plus entering the LLC stages--I'll be sure to let you know how those progress. Plus, very soon I will be posting some interviews with colleagues I have worked with. They'll be designed to help answer some questions that tend to arise in the film world. So my fellow filmmaking friends out there, try to keep the words of my friend Lisa in mind: "Speed is not the name of the game, natural progression and motivated growth is."
Sounds good to me!
--Liz
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